professional mastery

Holding Space

I first heard this term two years ago when I did my Coach Certification with the Master Coach Peter Redding – I loved the sound of word – however was able to embody it as a Coach till only very recently. As a spiritual seeker – I receive things as they are and only once I have experienced it for myself and made it my own truth do I feel compelled to share it with others. Holding Space is one such learning that overflows.

There are several uses and meanings for holding space. As a Coach and a Facilitator of Learning I am offering myself as a container for any overwhelming thoughts or feelings my companions may be encountering on their path of self-discovery. As a parent, I hold a safe space of love and full of hope so that my children can grow up with self-confidence. I hold space for my family and friends when they are upset due to one circumstance or another, and I offer them a shoulder to cry on, love, comfort, and a sympathetic ear. When I hold the space for someone I am just present, listening, and validating. I am not judging, giving advice or offering a solution. I am just there, in the present moment, holding their pain, their anguish, their joy, their space. When I hold space for other people, I open my heart, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

At one time or another, someone in our lives will need a space held that is loving, nonjudgmental, and empathetic. Holding space for another is incredibly profound however it is not difficult. Holding space is a choice. It is an intention. It is a deep desire to be of service to another. That is the foundation block for holding that sacred space.

There is something I read that had a profound impact on me personally and helped me look at ‘holding space’ with a different perspective. To expand my capacity to be there for others, I needed to truly learn how to be there for myself. Holding space meant becoming the empty vessel for myself first, being the container that allows me to experience myself; to grow, to feel, to express, to test out, to live. It is being present, treating myself with care, consideration, kindness, compassion and love. Hearing the needs of my body and mind, feeling my motions, and listening to the yearning of my soul – It’s a way of being, a lifestyle, a profound choice and a stand I take to nurture myself.

I realized that if I truly want to be of service to others, personally (my inner circle calls me Florence Nightingale) or professionally (as a Mindfulness Coach) and make a positive impact on the world, then I must first learn to hold space for myself to fall in love with myself. Holding space for me is like a pilgrimage to my own home, my soul, my source. It is the time I take daily to connect with my own Divinity.

Here are some ways that I hold space, both for myself and those that come within my circle of influence.

Connection

With a great sense of humility and profound Grace have I come to realize that I am Divine and everyone and everything around me is Divine too. Every day I make time to establish that connection I have with the Divinity that resides within me and all around me. Centering and acknowledging the presence of the Divine gives me a renewed sense of being grounded and I offer myself in service of the other. In doing so I am able to do my life’s work with a sense of detached compassion and that feeling is so liberating.

There are many ways in which I make this connection, prayer, meditation and breath consciousness is part of my daily ritual. Bringing myself present to every action 100% with focus and understanding makes that connection stronger, so much so that it has now become my default setting that guides me through the day.

Creative practices like music, art, journaling, or just being in nature, helps build a connection with the sense of Spirit, experiment and experience what is it that, that builds the connection for you and then make a conscious choice to nurture it daily.

Bringing conscious awareness to our breath and breathing consciously together, in my experience helps all companions I associate with connecting with their sense of the Divine, I encourage and honour that in all my interactions.

Acceptance

I hold the belief that I am a Masterpiece in the making, and so is everyone else, we are all WIP (work-in-progress) this allows me to embrace all imperfections and see things as they stand. I am unique and so is everyone else, I see myself with kindness and love and suspend any form of judgement or critique. In acknowledging my own uniqueness I find the strength to look at life objectively and deal with whatever situations life presents. Acceptance is the single most key that allows me the clarity of thought which promotes pure action, to do my work with 100% dedication.

Responsibility

I create my own life and I am responsible for all that I have created – the buck stops at me. Similarly, everyone I interact with is complete, whole and resourceful to create their own life. I am not responsible for their life, however, I can hold a space for them to access their own sense of completeness.

Holding Space is a responsibility I take seriously, it is about not taking control or being in centre stage – to fix things for another. It is about allowing them to be empowered to think for themselves to their best of their ability and make conscious choices. It is about giving people the permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom and allowing them to make their own decisions knowing that I will continue to hold the space and celebrate their success as well as pause any judgement when they make mistakes. Their success or failure is not because of my intervention. It is their journey I am merely a mirror, not the reflection. It is about me being equipoised at all times and not being attached to the outcome, while still ensuring that there is a forward movement for the other. Holding space is about respecting each person’s differences and recognising that those differences may lead to them making choices that I would not make and I am comfortable in holding that space.

Energy

I am a vibrant source of enthusiasm and energy that seeks to understand and be understood. I am Truth, I am who I am and I am unapologetic about my own authenticity. In silence I have found myself and embraced myself with acceptance and compassion. I understand my own imperfections and I forgive myself. It is this understanding that allows me to energetically hold the space for another. I am 100 % present with another however I am not enmeshed with their story. Holding space for another requires me to offer my understanding – rationally and compassionately.

When I listen to another, I listen with understanding not with need to be heard or to speak. The energy that Silence provides in holding space for myself and another cannot be expressed in words and needs to be experienced.

Silence, supports me in getting to know myself and support my dreams. Silence offers me the space for reflection and the energy to course correct, if I have lost my way. Silence gives me the energy to reach out to another when I need support. It strengthens my ability to support myself. Silence allows me to go deeper and be more grounded to hold the space for another.

Hold the space for yourself before you attempt to hold the space for another.

Holding the space for me is about CARE-U (Connection-Acceptance-Responsibility-Energy of Understanding) – it is about caring for yourself.

I hope this reflection of my experience inspires you to take a stand for yourself. Do at least one nurturing thing for yourself every day and make a promise to yourself that you will check in with You every day, then you will be holding space for you and that is so life affirming!